Sex is the most searched word on the Internet, causing pupil enlargement, rapid breathing, sweating, pulsation and influx of large amounts of blood (to) certain organs.
Why are we looking for sex? Why do long-term partners break up and cheat on each other because of sex? What makes sex so special that we risk our families for it?
Certainly the creation of offspring is one of its main functions (on this planet), but it is not the only one, it is not the most important. Otherwise, we would mate, like animals, only when we are in a period of conception.
Why is this human need so greatly exaggerated? And is it a necessity? And is it exaggerated?
It is well known that the human species begins to have sexual urges during puberty, when we mature and turn from children into mature individuals (or at least physically). But are we able to have offspring then? Emotionally – no. Being a parent is not enough to be physically mature. You need to grow up emotionally.
We can guess endlessly why we have sex and the more people on earth we get, the more answers we will get. Each answer depends on personal judgment, experience and personal beliefs. As if that’s not so important. The important thing is that we want to do it and we want it in a certain quantity and with a specific quality otherwise… We do not feel wanted, loved, liked, sexy, capable enough, etc. The ego will find a reason to feel dissatisfied and want more. As if the main reason we insist on a lot of sex is to get through it the experience of personal significance.
Are we aware of it or insist on receiving it, ignoring the needs and desires of our partner? Are we angry when we are denied? Are we able to abandon a person we love because he doesn’t have enough (in our opinion) sex?
Yes, there are people capable of that. They leave a long-term relationship for 15 seconds, yes, that’s how long an orgasm lasts. We sell wonderful relationships for an orgasm. Is this the goal of a couple – to have orgasms together? If that’s the reason you’re in a relationship, that’s why you’re leaving!
Many of my clients have similar challenges in the couple? But where do they come from and when do they start?
Let’s go back to the beginning when we are in love. Then sex is not a mirage and happens in large doses. Why are things changing?
Because when we are in love, we are under the influence of our hormones, ie we are not very normal 🙂 We tend to attribute to the person we are in love, qualities that he does not have. We idealize it. We project on it qualities that we lack or that we have ourselves and that we like. And so until the hormone levels drop, and this happens after about 6-8 months…
Then suddenly our partner “changes”. For one night! How is that possible?
It is not he / she who has changed, but the way we see him / her. No more hormones in our heads to blur perceptions.
After that moment it becomes interesting, because with each passing day everything starts to change. We realize that the partner also has negatives – he was not perfect. Sex is no longer so exciting, passion begins to wane and loses its charm. If we have had the imprudence to live together in this period of falling in love (which I do not recommend from experience), the challenges of a domestic nature begin – bills, working hours, business trips, vacations, hobbies, friends, parents….
(Before living together, I personally recommend answering a number of questions that provide information about the most important areas of our lives together).
When the passion begins to subside, we slowly begin to become an average couple with “normal” problems, including arguments, lack of regular sex, and alienation, which will eventually lead to separation if not addressed in a timely manner.
This is the moment when falling in love goes away and love can take root and take root. At this moment we can see the other and ourselves, reflected in him, to appreciate his qualities and to judge which of his shortcomings we can live with. Not to try to change it!
That is why I recommend that after leaving the period of falling in love, you take the time to be honest with each other. And if something in you has changed from the other, have the courage to say it. If there is a way, deal with it together, if not – respect your time and that of the person against you and do not be deceived that something can happen in time. State your needs and desires openly (for a certain period of time, because they change), but without insisting that they be met at all costs. It is a choice made by the other. It is not his duty!
In recent years, the idea of the couple has changed a lot. Before, people got married on account and there were no divorces.
The idea of monogamy is also changing. If before you were monogamous it meant – with one person for life, now it is with one person in each (next) relationship.
If we used to get married and start we used to have sex for the first time, now we get married (get married) and stop having sex with the others.
Before, passion was not part of marriage. People were aware that if their arranged marriage failed, the only thing they could pray for was a quicker death. Now we have put passion and love into the equation called a couple.
If before the woman had sex by force, with the advent of feminism, the woman understands that she has the right to refuse and if she decides to do it is because she wants it.
Before, sex was just a way to procreate. After the advent of contraceptives, sex began to be seen as a means of pleasure (now also by women).
Nowadays, a huge burden is placed on the partner, including ourselves (as partners). Now we expect to receive from one person, something we received years ago from an entire village. We expect our partner to be our companion, friend, confidant, lover, advisor, protector, source of income… The only one. At one time, people called Him the One God and sought many of these qualities in Him.
Why is it that in these modern times, when people are becoming more and more awakened, the relationship in the couple is burdened with more and more responsibilities and expectations?
Isn’t this a topic that deserves more attention? Mostly because the couple learns the biggest lessons in life. Because our partner is our mirror and shows us wonderfully what we can learn if we want. The question is whether we see it that way or it is easier to leave and look for another … mirror, condemning the relationship as unsuccessful. If we do not learn our lessons, in time the new mirror will reflect the same image again. The same image, in a different frame. Bryach, why do I always come across the same type of partners? 🙂 Good question! I guess you also have a good answer for it.
And how do you treat them – differently or in the same way?
In order to change the image in the mirror, it is necessary to change the original image. Don’t get me wrong, the purpose of what is written is not to keep you in relationships that devastate you just because you know there is a lesson in them. Sometimes the lesson is to leave. There is no universal rule here. Each couple (and its participants) is considered a unique case.
Everything that stumbles you is a lesson. Every challenge in the couple is a lesson that comes to be learned!
Isn’t it time to reconsider our definitions of a couple and the reasons why we enter into one? Each for himself.
Ask yourself from time to time, “Why am I with my partner?”, “How do I contribute to our relationship?”, “What else can I do to have more passion and fun between us?”, “Do I give my best? by yourself? ”…
Treat your partner like your best client, because he is just like that!
Many people ask, “And what do I get in this regard?”
If you enter into a relationship just to receive, you will never be satisfied. There needs to be a balance between giving and receiving. From both! Otherwise, the relationship is not realized and becomes a type of dependence.
So, back to sex 🙂 Why do we have sex?
We are already having sex to connect more deeply with the other on an energy level. Because sex is an intimacy that you don’t share with everyone you call ‘close’. Sex turns you into a couple and sets you apart from ordinary roommates, with common accounts. But not the sex in which we just rub skin to skin and which we do “on duty”, but the one that is beyond the physical, where your souls merge and time stops. This cannot be described in words! This is the best part of the couple – the place where you become one of two! Such a connection cannot be obtained with everyone!
After all, sex is not something we do, but a place we go… together!
We can live without sex, but we cannot live without touch. So touch often and if sex happens – let it be your most wonderful trip every time!
A shared journey through the depths of the couple!